Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
