What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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