I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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