Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
