just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize