She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
