i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
