Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
