no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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