Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My penis needs a shock collar
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
