my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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