Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize