You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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