Hey man sorry I got all grabby
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
