First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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