you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
