how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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