I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
