i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
BRING THE BAGELS
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
