fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
