No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
