How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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