she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize