hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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