yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
