Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think people are normalizing furries
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
