Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
