Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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