I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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