I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He shit in the fireplace
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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