Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
