Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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