you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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