So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
