and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
