but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
