Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
