I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do vagina's smell?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
