I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
