How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
