hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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