He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I did not marry a roomba.
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