Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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