20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
