Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
