What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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