So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
