My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
