I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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