Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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