Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
