I hate your face
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize