just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
