Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
