flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
