NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
