i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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