My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
