new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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