Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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