Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
