its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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