Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize