cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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