I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
