i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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