Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
