i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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