who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think my fart just growled at me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
