how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize