i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
