I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
