my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
