I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
