guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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