I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
