Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
