I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize