I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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